You are always here,
Whispering in my ear,
Saying all the things I fear,
Until I’m nothing but a single tear.
Confirming every bad thought,
You make me sick with rot,
Shame and guilt are all you’ve brought,
Until I feel all but nought.
Telling me nothing but lies,
Until all I can do is despise,
I beg for some allies,
But all I can do is apologise.
The thoughts keep me twisted inside,
I turn to run and hide,
But all I can is agonise,
As the ship around me starts to capsize.
Last night I went to write about the effects of seasonal affective disorder and this short story just flew right out of me. I’m not usually one to share this type of post or even writing short stories in the first place but I thought I would post this anyway as it seemed important to write about this from another perspective.
I hope it’s not too terrible.
For once the land reflects how I feel,
Like boiling water on frozen steel,
I cannot see another thing,
Finally alone my soul could sing.
The street could be full of dark creatures,
Be hosting a late night feature,
You would never be able to tell,
For I’ve never seen mist so swell.
For weeks I have been trying to write this post, I only manage to just get through it and then I delete everything in its entirety. I didn’t understand why it would be so hard to speak about, I speak about a lot of topics that would be considered harder to talk about, but then I realised it was because I was ashamed of backsliding.
I have been doing so well recently, taking the steps to tackle my traumas, and I just didn’t want to admit that I had let myself down. I was going back to old habits, not taking care of myself as I usually would, and becoming withdrawn. I became scared to comment on any other blogs or anyone going through a hard time on Twitter because I’d forgotten how to help people having a bad day.Read More »
There was once a great calm,
As the world would sing the Psalm,
When I thought they knew it all,
But it was my destiny to fall.
I heard tales of the true greats,
The ones who suffered dire straits,
The Kings who rose to retake their land,
The peasants who suffered at greeds hand.Read More »
I went in terrified that I would get no plan, that I would be deemed unworthy but the story did not turn out the way I thought, it was worse. As I waited on my behind doctor a drunk woman was screaming about waiting, and I knew I would be next because unlike her I came in about five minutes before my appointment.
She would comment loudly after other people were asked in, I was very worried about her erupting when the doctor came out to see me but instead something else happened. The fire alarm went off, imagine a high pitched noise that would never end, we waited to be told what to do thinking it was just a drill.
Today it feels like my brain is just running on empty, I am so terribly tired and I have a hunch it is to do with blogtober. You see I have been basically grieving as I’ve been taking part, it has been so great to share my feelings about what has just happened to me and everything I was going through at the time, but now my brain is so tired.
