12 Months

It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.

I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.

Read More »

Christmas Past

1291852945_3

The holidays come with a huge weight of grief for me, but it wasn’t always this way, I used to love this time of year so much. From the first of December, I would be singing carols to myself, smiling at all the Christmas cheer, and taking part in every holiday-related activity I could think of.

The past three years have been different, too different for my liking, I complain about the season now more than ever. Before it was never about the presents but about the company of loved ones, now it is something I am trying to ignore as much as possible. The stress of it sends my mental health into a tailspin and before I know it I can’t leave the house

Read More »

I always feel like a failure

It’s hard to put this in words because its always in my head but I feel like a failure, I have a great idea and entire structure for a novel but I can’t seem to start it, I have the option of having friends but I can’t seem to reach out, I have the option to get married but I’m terrified of being surrounded by people, and I write on this blog but I think everything I write is garbage.

Read More »

I can’t just snap out of it.

Trigger Warning: Abuse, and Attempted Suicide.

I know I am loved, I know I am safe, I have food, heat (my house only has one working heater and I pay £60 a week on electricity during winter), support, and I live in a country with free healthcare. I went to university for free, I don’t have to pay for my prescriptions, I have a pet, a partner, I take the time to do what I love, and I know more than anyone that people are worse off than I am.

Read More »

Insomnia or Anxiety?

sketch-1537830959642

I don’t usually post during the middle of the night, last week all I did was sleep, but for the past two nights I’ve tossed and turned with the best them. I just seem to have so much overwhelming stuff going on right now, I’m staring down the barrel of grief, I’m recovering from a traumatic event I had a year and a half ago, I’ve been given a date for a tribunal against my PIP decision which has, in turn, caused money issues, and I’ve reported my landlord for the poor state of repair that this house has given me.

Right now it feels like it would be easier to tell what I’m not worried about!

Read More »