To my third child.

I’d like to start by saying sorry for not being as active, I’ve been rather down about Mothers Day, which has been seriously affecting my mood and almost two weeks later it is now the due date for the child I miscarried back in September.

The darkness has swallowed me up these past few weeks, to a point where I can’t do anything but sit in a darkened room staring into space, I can’t be of any help to anyone right now

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Self Sabotage

I cannot stop, I feel as if I have been hit by a bus but I cannot stop, because if I stop I’ll think about things and if I think about things I won’t be able to keep going. Is it even worth it? I feel like I am getting nowhere, my mind is in pieces and just when I think I’ve finally cracked the puzzle more pieces get dumped on top of me.

I don’t seem to fit anymore, I can’t find that passion that fuels me, I don’t know where I belong anymore. I wanted to give answers to those people who are going through similar things from my past. But I am not healthy, I don’t have answers, and I definitely do not feel better; pain is all I feel.

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Down the Rabbit hole.

I see a white blur past me in the distance,

It talks about time with a matter of persistence,

Without an ounce of any self-control,

I follow the blur straight down the rabbit hole.

Before I know it I am at the bottom of a large pit,

Which has never seen so much as the moonlit,

Its darkness seems to come from magic,

Following the poor soul whose life is nothing but tragic.

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I did it! Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween but this year I’m extra glad it’s here because I made it, blogging every day for thirty-one days straight! It is completely knackering, I’ve been up obsessing over posts, putting myself down, and completely frazzled at times but I did it!

It hasn’t hurt my passion for writing at all, I thought I’d be sick of it all by now, but if anything I am more passionate about it than I was. I thought for this post I would list all the things that blogtober has taught me.

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I went outside!

I really didn’t want to go, I was really quiet on the way to the shops, didn’t want to gab with my Dad like I usually do, but I did it. I am feeling pretty agoraphobic right now, outside causes a lot of my problems but I didn’t keep my head in my phone as I always do, forcing myself to look at all the many beautiful colours that come with Autumn.

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