As a child I was very superstitious; never utter the phrase “Bloody Mary,” in the mirror, never step on a crack, and always look out for danger on Friday the 13th because it will find you.
Looking back my imagination fed my anxieties, every time a mirror was in front of me I saw what would happen if I uttered that phrase, and going to school on Friday the 13th meant monsters hid around every corner.
It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.
I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.
I’ve been adrift for a long time,
Without any reason or rhyme,
Deserted amongst the normal,
Wearing jeans to a black-tie formal.Read More »
The sun shone on the crystal loch,
A boat sailed out of the dock,
Waves crashed against the shore,
The perfect Cove to explore.
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t petrified in one way or another. I’m not sure why I am this way, I cannot justify it, being scared has always been a part of my life.
For a long time I tried to understand where the fear came from, has it been from all the bad things in my past? Did something else happen to me at an even younger age?
Tonight I say goodbye,
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,
This room connects me to a happy time,
But most of my stay here has been an uphill climb.
It’s been rather hectic here these past few weeks, from looking at houses to filling out forums to decorating and everything else that comes with a move, but I thought I’d check in. I’ve been thrown into the deep end when it comes to socialising, travelling alone, and having to go out on a daily basis.
It will all be worth it in the end because everything this monumental always is, I’ve had to miss therapy due to getting everything ready to move in, which I hate because at stressful times it helps so much.
But it will all be worth it to be in a house without any bad memories, a fresh start, and a change of scenery.
Thanks for reading,
Em.
