So my therapist told me to stop talking about mental health…

It was almost a month ago when she asked me to stop talking about my mental health, which has totally thrown me when I talk about my mental health on my blog a lot.

It’s sort of made me freeze up when it comes to what I am going to talk about here, yes I can talk about other aspects of my life, or what I’ve been through, but I’m still not quite sure what to do.Read More »

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Fork in the Road

I have been staring at a fork in the road for a long time, I am scared to go down any of those roads I have built inside my head, just hoping that one day I will eventually make a decision. I am starting to get tired of all that staring, and I just want to make a decision already.

That, however, is not how recovery works, I could still be at this impasse for a very long time. Instead of forcing myself to make a decision about my life I need to know that it’s ok to stay here, as long as I focus on my recovery.Read More »

Bitter Trials

She can see the sadness of her new face,

It’s as visible as a tear on newly embroidered lace,

No matter how much she laughs and smiles,

The lady’s face still shows the bitter trials.

Her grief is standing by her side,

Some days she can take it in her stride,

To harness it within her own art,

Before it returns to rip her apart.

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The Mist

For once the land reflects how I feel,

Like boiling water on frozen steel,

I cannot see another thing,

Finally alone my soul could sing.

The street could be full of dark creatures,

Be hosting a late night feature,

You would never be able to tell,

For I’ve never seen mist so swell.

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My Christmas

I’ve been wanting to talk about this day since it happened, but it’s really hard to talk about it without a little bit of perspective. It also doesn’t really help that the entire season was very hard for me, even now on a good day I am still fighting to stop feeling like this, the season of grief has truly gotten me down.

The important thing is I got through this very hard day, I knew it was going to be difficult but even then it subverted my expectations, to the point where I wish I had acted so much sooner. I knew how I wanted to spend the day, but through obligation, guilt, and a sprinkling of self-loathing I didn’t know how to ask for it.

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Christmas Past (Part Two)

Today we continue our look into the Christmases of my past, in order to remember the good moments and the lessons learned throughout the years.

Christmas with Granny

When I was growing up my granny was my very favourite person, she always had a hug and a cake for me, and stood up for me when I needed it. One year she came to Christmas Dinner when I was four, I was really excited because I loved my granny, but also so I could show off my Minnie mouse roller skates.

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Christmas Past

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The holidays come with a huge weight of grief for me, but it wasn’t always this way, I used to love this time of year so much. From the first of December, I would be singing carols to myself, smiling at all the Christmas cheer, and taking part in every holiday-related activity I could think of.

The past three years have been different, too different for my liking, I complain about the season now more than ever. Before it was never about the presents but about the company of loved ones, now it is something I am trying to ignore as much as possible. The stress of it sends my mental health into a tailspin and before I know it I can’t leave the house

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