Thoughts Against Talking

Today is Time to Talk Day which encourages everyone to talk about Mental Health or whatever is on there mind, this gets awareness out there as well as being great for acceptance on this issue. I thought I would dedicate today to those thoughts I have that hold me back from speaking my mind and try to understand them a little better.

No one will believe you

It’s safe to say that this is not a hard one to figure out, I have had a lot of people in my life not believe me, my fear of missing out turned into my parents accusing me of taking drugs, my breakdown led to drinking heavily as a cry for help but my parents wouldn’t believe the worst things my abusive ex did to me.Read More »

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The Demon Within

You are always here,

Whispering in my ear,

Saying all the things I fear,

Until I’m nothing but a single tear.

Confirming every bad thought,

You make me sick with rot,

Shame and guilt are all you’ve brought,

Until I feel all but nought.

Telling me nothing but lies,

Until all I can do is despise,

I beg for some allies,

But all I can do is apologise.

The thoughts keep me twisted inside,

I turn to run and hide,

But all I can is agonise,

As the ship around me starts to capsize.

Scared

At times I feel I could heal the world, but these come fewer and far between. I want to march out on the street to protest so many issues, highlight the injustice all around the Planet and challenge the way we all think about issues. But I don’t know what I am doing, honestly, I feel like I am the one screaming into the void and hiding from everyone.

I could explain how broken I am but I can’t quite do that, it’s really the hardest thing I could ever put into words, but I am a writer so it really should be easy, right? It’s not easy in the slightest to understand how you feel in your own head without all the background noise that comes with anxiety.Read More »

The Mist

For once the land reflects how I feel,

Like boiling water on frozen steel,

I cannot see another thing,

Finally alone my soul could sing.

The street could be full of dark creatures,

Be hosting a late night feature,

You would never be able to tell,

For I’ve never seen mist so swell.

Read More »

Christmas

Happy Christmas Eve Eve as Pheobe would say, that time of year is almost upon us and I’m counting down the days until its over. I’ve wrapped all my presents, I’ve put up my decorations, and I have finally gotten the cards done. I didn’t want to do any of it, but my house is a sparkle of tinsel and fairy lights.

This year would have always been hard when you think of you’re lost children and the potential of what could have been. The older child who would know the big secret, the toddler who would be hatching a plan with the cat to pull down the tree, and the little one growing in my belly. It all seems perfect in my mind, but that’s not the picture that has been painted for me.Read More »