For once the land reflects how I feel,
Like boiling water on frozen steel,
I cannot see another thing,
Finally alone my soul could sing.
The street could be full of dark creatures,
Be hosting a late night feature,
You would never be able to tell,
For I’ve never seen mist so swell.
I took a much needed full week away from blogging, I constantly felt as though I was letting everyone down by doing this, but after some much-needed therapy (first since holiday season) last week I came to the conclusion that I had to walk away for a short time.
Not that I wanted to but I really had to do it, you see I couldn’t stop crying, every day I would just ball my eyes out crying, and it wasn’t until I spoke to my therapist that I realised it was grief.
When we were fearless,
The days became tearless,
It felt like it was finally our time,
Our life became sublime.
There was sheer magic in the air,
I could walk the land without care,
Skipping along with every step,
Full of some unordinary pep.
I’ve been thinking about this concept for the past few days, it may have to do with my rewatch of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt in anticipation of its finale, or the much-anticipated sequel to the film, but are people really unbreakable? What does it say about us (myself included) who feel rather broken, are we to learn from those moments, should we really strive to be unbreakable?
To be honest, I would absolutely love to think of myself as unbreakable, the woman who refused to break after abuse, rape, recurrent miscarriage, and poor mental health. But I’m really not, I’ve struggled to remake my broken shell on a number of occasions, and although seeing myself as being unbreakable appeals to me very much, it also takes away from my struggle.
The lone warrior walks throughout the land,
Trying to find a connection in something he can’t understand,
He walks along the abandoned halls,
Thinking of the long forgotten masquerade balls.
Searching for the answers to his many questions,
Even the slightest hints or suggestions,
He braves the highest mountaintop,
To the loneliest little grocery shop.
Happy Christmas Eve Eve as Pheobe would say, that time of year is almost upon us and I’m counting down the days until its over. I’ve wrapped all my presents, I’ve put up my decorations, and I have finally gotten the cards done. I didn’t want to do any of it, but my house is a sparkle of tinsel and fairy lights.
This year would have always been hard when you think of you’re lost children and the potential of what could have been. The older child who would know the big secret, the toddler who would be hatching a plan with the cat to pull down the tree, and the little one growing in my belly. It all seems perfect in my mind, but that’s not the picture that has been painted for me.Read More »
Yesterday I went to visit a local Christmas Market which is held inside a museum, as it has been a very rainy few days here I thought it was a good idea to go and for the past few years, I’ve been way too sick to do anything like this. It is very pretty and has old shop fronts, it was an incredibly festive experience.
I forced myself to do it this year and put it on my personal bucket list, I knew it would be hard but I had absolutely no idea that it would have taken everything out of me. It was beautiful and festive but trying to take my mind off things didn’t work because of there where children everywhere I went.
