Many of you may have experienced this short time in which you feel truly fortunate to have gotten through the worst part of your condition, it’s almost as if the sheer act of feeling less horrible causes a light to shine in the darkness.
These tiny moments are enough for me to hope that one day this feeling will last longer, that one day the anxiety and depression inside me will slowly begin to fade until bad days are few and far between.
As a child I was very superstitious; never utter the phrase “Bloody Mary,” in the mirror, never step on a crack, and always look out for danger on Friday the 13th because it will find you.
Looking back my imagination fed my anxieties, every time a mirror was in front of me I saw what would happen if I uttered that phrase, and going to school on Friday the 13th meant monsters hid around every corner.
It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.
I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.
It’s been rather hectic here these past few weeks, from looking at houses to filling out forums to decorating and everything else that comes with a move, but I thought I’d check in. I’ve been thrown into the deep end when it comes to socialising, travelling alone, and having to go out on a daily basis.
It will all be worth it in the end because everything this monumental always is, I’ve had to miss therapy due to getting everything ready to move in, which I hate because at stressful times it helps so much.
But it will all be worth it to be in a house without any bad memories, a fresh start, and a change of scenery.