Many of you may have experienced this short time in which you feel truly fortunate to have gotten through the worst part of your condition, it’s almost as if the sheer act of feeling less horrible causes a light to shine in the darkness.
These tiny moments are enough for me to hope that one day this feeling will last longer, that one day the anxiety and depression inside me will slowly begin to fade until bad days are few and far between.
Recently I’ve been feeling rather down, it seems the change in season has truly won this round, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, and then today it hit me.
That’s Great
The world revolves around the sun,
Winter, Spring, Summer, now Autumn has come,
Season’s change and I still think of you,
My purpose in life is now askew.
I try so very hard to put on a smile,
A laugh as I pretend not to think for a while.
Underneath I feel like I could explode,
But only I know the disarm code.
As a child I was very superstitious; never utter the phrase “Bloody Mary,” in the mirror, never step on a crack, and always look out for danger on Friday the 13th because it will find you.
Looking back my imagination fed my anxieties, every time a mirror was in front of me I saw what would happen if I uttered that phrase, and going to school on Friday the 13th meant monsters hid around every corner.
It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.
I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.
I’ve been adrift for a long time,
Without any reason or rhyme,
Deserted amongst the normal,
Wearing jeans to a black-tie formal.Read More »
The sun shone on the crystal loch,
A boat sailed out of the dock,
Waves crashed against the shore,
The perfect Cove to explore.
