When victims come forward to any sort of abuse the question, “Why did they?” is asked, I was asked these questions by every person around me who knew.
The question aimed at me after rape and abuse was, “Why did I let it happen?” But then I started to hear what was being asked behind my back.Read More »
It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.
I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.
I’ve been adrift for a long time,
Without any reason or rhyme,
Deserted amongst the normal,
Wearing jeans to a black-tie formal.Read More »
I’ve been thinking about this concept for the past few days, it may have to do with my rewatch of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt in anticipation of its finale, or the much-anticipated sequel to the film, but are people really unbreakable? What does it say about us (myself included) who feel rather broken, are we to learn from those moments, should we really strive to be unbreakable?
To be honest, I would absolutely love to think of myself as unbreakable, the woman who refused to break after abuse, rape, recurrent miscarriage, and poor mental health. But I’m really not, I’ve struggled to remake my broken shell on a number of occasions, and although seeing myself as being unbreakable appeals to me very much, it also takes away from my struggle.
My first reaction would be no, I’m not trying to get pity or attention by saying this, this is what I truly believe. It could just be the anxiety but it’s not, I’ve always felt worthless, and I have always believed I do not deserve anything else. At times I could blame my Mother, my rapist, or my abuser, but I have always felt this way.
They did unspeakable things to me in my life, chipped away at any self-esteem I had left, but I have always felt unworthy. Is it because I am a woman who was raised in a very misogynistic religion and went to Catholic school? I don’t think it is, I can remember feeling this way all my life, so what is it?Read More »
Anxiety has been rearing its ugly head of late, we are looking to move as soon as we possibly can and I absolutely hate moving. I hate it more than anything if I’m being honest, it is the most stressful thing in the world to me, but the house we are in is causing me so much more stress than anything else combined.
The water flows,
I have been forced off my toes,
I’m plunged into the depths,
I cannot take any breaths.
