It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.
I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.
The sun shone on the crystal loch,
A boat sailed out of the dock,
Waves crashed against the shore,
The perfect Cove to explore.
Tonight I say goodbye,
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,
This room connects me to a happy time,
But most of my stay here has been an uphill climb.
I see a white blur past me in the distance,
It talks about time with a matter of persistence,
Without an ounce of any self-control,
I follow the blur straight down the rabbit hole.
Before I know it I am at the bottom of a large pit,
Which has never seen so much as the moonlit,
Its darkness seems to come from magic,
Following the poor soul whose life is nothing but tragic.
Today we continue our look into the Christmases of my past, in order to remember the good moments and the lessons learned throughout the years.
Christmas with Granny
When I was growing up my granny was my very favourite person, she always had a hug and a cake for me, and stood up for me when I needed it. One year she came to Christmas Dinner when I was four, I was really excited because I loved my granny, but also so I could show off my Minnie mouse roller skates.
You were meant to watch over me,
The only one that could hear or see,
Leaving at the first chance you got,
Taking the bait and leaving me to rot.
Mother took her pain out on me,
Until you came back for a spot of tea,
You would disappear for months at a time,
Laughing and joking as you drank your wine.
I drift along in a world so grey,
Surrounding by the stench of decay,
I twist and turn at the hands of a master,
My own one-woman disaster.
Kept up at night by vagrant thoughts,
Turning myself into literal knots,
Paranoia grows inside of me,
Until all the voices agree.Read More »
