12 Months

It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.

I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.

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My Month

It’s been rather hectic here these past few weeks, from looking at houses to filling out forums to decorating and everything else that comes with a move, but I thought I’d check in. I’ve been thrown into the deep end when it comes to socialising, travelling alone, and having to go out on a daily basis.

It will all be worth it in the end because everything this monumental always is, I’ve had to miss therapy due to getting everything ready to move in, which I hate because at stressful times it helps so much.

But it will all be worth it to be in a house without any bad memories, a fresh start, and a change of scenery.

Thanks for reading,

Em.

Bitter Trials

She can see the sadness of her new face,

It’s as visible as a tear on newly embroidered lace,

No matter how much she laughs and smiles,

The lady’s face still shows the bitter trials.

Her grief is standing by her side,

Some days she can take it in her stride,

To harness it within her own art,

Before it returns to rip her apart.

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To my third child.

I’d like to start by saying sorry for not being as active, I’ve been rather down about Mothers Day, which has been seriously affecting my mood and almost two weeks later it is now the due date for the child I miscarried back in September.

The darkness has swallowed me up these past few weeks, to a point where I can’t do anything but sit in a darkened room staring into space, I can’t be of any help to anyone right now

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My Mothers Day

I will not get a card from my kids today,

No flowers will be delivered on this Mothering Sunday,

I will not wake up to breakfast in bed,

This day will always be one I completely dread.

I will not receive the customary perfume,

My day will be filled with constant doom and gloom,

I will not hear that I am the best mother in the world,

Choosing to stay on the cold floor broken and curled.

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