Thoughts Against Talking

Today is Time to Talk Day which encourages everyone to talk about Mental Health or whatever is on there mind, this gets awareness out there as well as being great for acceptance on this issue. I thought I would dedicate today to those thoughts I have that hold me back from speaking my mind and try to understand them a little better.

No one will believe you

It’s safe to say that this is not a hard one to figure out, I have had a lot of people in my life not believe me, my fear of missing out turned into my parents accusing me of taking drugs, my breakdown led to drinking heavily as a cry for help but my parents wouldn’t believe the worst things my abusive ex did to me.Read More »

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The Demon Within

You are always here,

Whispering in my ear,

Saying all the things I fear,

Until I’m nothing but a single tear.

Confirming every bad thought,

You make me sick with rot,

Shame and guilt are all you’ve brought,

Until I feel all but nought.

Telling me nothing but lies,

Until all I can do is despise,

I beg for some allies,

But all I can do is apologise.

The thoughts keep me twisted inside,

I turn to run and hide,

But all I can is agonise,

As the ship around me starts to capsize.

Scared

At times I feel I could heal the world, but these come fewer and far between. I want to march out on the street to protest so many issues, highlight the injustice all around the Planet and challenge the way we all think about issues. But I don’t know what I am doing, honestly, I feel like I am the one screaming into the void and hiding from everyone.

I could explain how broken I am but I can’t quite do that, it’s really the hardest thing I could ever put into words, but I am a writer so it really should be easy, right? It’s not easy in the slightest to understand how you feel in your own head without all the background noise that comes with anxiety.Read More »

The Mist

For once the land reflects how I feel,

Like boiling water on frozen steel,

I cannot see another thing,

Finally alone my soul could sing.

The street could be full of dark creatures,

Be hosting a late night feature,

You would never be able to tell,

For I’ve never seen mist so swell.

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Week Off

I took a much needed full week away from blogging, I constantly felt as though I was letting everyone down by doing this, but after some much-needed therapy (first since holiday season) last week I came to the conclusion that I had to walk away for a short time.

Not that I wanted to but I really had to do it, you see I couldn’t stop crying, every day I would just ball my eyes out crying, and it wasn’t until I spoke to my therapist that I realised it was grief.

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My Christmas

I’ve been wanting to talk about this day since it happened, but it’s really hard to talk about it without a little bit of perspective. It also doesn’t really help that the entire season was very hard for me, even now on a good day I am still fighting to stop feeling like this, the season of grief has truly gotten me down.

The important thing is I got through this very hard day, I knew it was going to be difficult but even then it subverted my expectations, to the point where I wish I had acted so much sooner. I knew how I wanted to spend the day, but through obligation, guilt, and a sprinkling of self-loathing I didn’t know how to ask for it.

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