A World So Grey

I drift along in a world so grey,

Surrounding by the stench of decay,

I twist and turn at the hands of a master,

My own one-woman disaster.

Kept up at night by vagrant thoughts,

Turning myself into literal knots,

Paranoia grows inside of me,

Until all the voices agree.Read More »

What would I say to my eleven-year-old self?

My therapist asked me this and I was really stumped by it; I’d never thought of it this way. It’s taken me a while to think about it, but I think I’m ready to talk about it now, so here goes, if I could speak to my eleven-year-old self what would I say?

Life will be hard

It will be so much harder for you to navigate through all the hardships that are coming your way, you’ll think that you possibly couldn’t take any more hardship, but you’ll be wrong. You will need to claw yourself back from the abyss on a few occasions, you don’t think you’ll make it at times, but you’re still here.

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Like a spectre in a crowd,

I cannot cross beyond the shroud,

I scream at the top of my lungs,

But I may as well be speaking in tounges.

I am invisible to the group,

As you all instantly fly the coup,

I am left to fend for myself,

Like a dusty war and peace on the bookshelf.Read More »

I always feel like a failure

It’s hard to put this in words because its always in my head but I feel like a failure, I have a great idea and entire structure for a novel but I can’t seem to start it, I have the option of having friends but I can’t seem to reach out, I have the option to get married but I’m terrified of being surrounded by people, and I write on this blog but I think everything I write is garbage.

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What I’m thankful for

The past few posts have been about some pretty serious subject matter so for today I thought I’d make a list of the things in my life I am thankful for, it’s easy to fall in with all the negative thinking when that’s all that’s in my head, but I am grateful for so many things in my life. I feel blessed to have so many great things in my life, even if I don’t have everything I want, and even when I’m suffering. This doesn’t include the obvious answers because I’ve spoken about how much I love my better half and my cat before, just in case you were curious why they aren’t on here.

This is in no particular order:

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