Thoughts Against Talking

Today is Time to Talk Day which encourages everyone to talk about Mental Health or whatever is on there mind, this gets awareness out there as well as being great for acceptance on this issue. I thought I would dedicate today to those thoughts I have that hold me back from speaking my mind and try to understand them a little better.

No one will believe you

It’s safe to say that this is not a hard one to figure out, I have had a lot of people in my life not believe me, my fear of missing out turned into my parents accusing me of taking drugs, my breakdown led to drinking heavily as a cry for help but my parents wouldn’t believe the worst things my abusive ex did to me.Read More »

Advertisements

Scared

At times I feel I could heal the world, but these come fewer and far between. I want to march out on the street to protest so many issues, highlight the injustice all around the Planet and challenge the way we all think about issues. But I don’t know what I am doing, honestly, I feel like I am the one screaming into the void and hiding from everyone.

I could explain how broken I am but I can’t quite do that, it’s really the hardest thing I could ever put into words, but I am a writer so it really should be easy, right? It’s not easy in the slightest to understand how you feel in your own head without all the background noise that comes with anxiety.Read More »

My Christmas

I’ve been wanting to talk about this day since it happened, but it’s really hard to talk about it without a little bit of perspective. It also doesn’t really help that the entire season was very hard for me, even now on a good day I am still fighting to stop feeling like this, the season of grief has truly gotten me down.

The important thing is I got through this very hard day, I knew it was going to be difficult but even then it subverted my expectations, to the point where I wish I had acted so much sooner. I knew how I wanted to spend the day, but through obligation, guilt, and a sprinkling of self-loathing I didn’t know how to ask for it.

Read More »

The Lone Warrior

The lone warrior walks throughout the land,

Trying to find a connection in something he can’t understand,

He walks along the abandoned halls,

Thinking of the long forgotten masquerade balls.

Searching for the answers to his many questions,

Even the slightest hints or suggestions,

He braves the highest mountaintop,

To the loneliest little grocery shop.

Read More »

Christmas

Happy Christmas Eve Eve as Pheobe would say, that time of year is almost upon us and I’m counting down the days until its over. I’ve wrapped all my presents, I’ve put up my decorations, and I have finally gotten the cards done. I didn’t want to do any of it, but my house is a sparkle of tinsel and fairy lights.

This year would have always been hard when you think of you’re lost children and the potential of what could have been. The older child who would know the big secret, the toddler who would be hatching a plan with the cat to pull down the tree, and the little one growing in my belly. It all seems perfect in my mind, but that’s not the picture that has been painted for me.Read More »

Down the Rabbit hole.

I see a white blur past me in the distance,

It talks about time with a matter of persistence,

Without an ounce of any self-control,

I follow the blur straight down the rabbit hole.

Before I know it I am at the bottom of a large pit,

Which has never seen so much as the moonlit,

Its darkness seems to come from magic,

Following the poor soul whose life is nothing but tragic.

Read More »

Christmas Past (Part Two)

Today we continue our look into the Christmases of my past, in order to remember the good moments and the lessons learned throughout the years.

Christmas with Granny

When I was growing up my granny was my very favourite person, she always had a hug and a cake for me, and stood up for me when I needed it. One year she came to Christmas Dinner when I was four, I was really excited because I loved my granny, but also so I could show off my Minnie mouse roller skates.

Read More »