When victims come forward to any sort of abuse the question, “Why did they?” is asked, I was asked these questions by every person around me who knew.
The question aimed at me after rape and abuse was, “Why did I let it happen?” But then I started to hear what was being asked behind my back.Read More »
It has been a year since my last miscarriage, tests from Tommys keep being pushed back every few months, in this time I have kept hoping that we will find the problem but after a year it’s being to feel hopeless.
I’m another year older than I was, another year with terrible mental health, and I honestly feel that I have achieved nothing. That’s not true, however, so I thought I’d list my achievements none the less.
It’s been rather hectic here these past few weeks, from looking at houses to filling out forums to decorating and everything else that comes with a move, but I thought I’d check in. I’ve been thrown into the deep end when it comes to socialising, travelling alone, and having to go out on a daily basis.
It will all be worth it in the end because everything this monumental always is, I’ve had to miss therapy due to getting everything ready to move in, which I hate because at stressful times it helps so much.
But it will all be worth it to be in a house without any bad memories, a fresh start, and a change of scenery.
Thanks for reading,
She inspired me at a time when I needed her, she felt just as alone as I did growing up, I couldn’t believe a man wrote a book that spoke to my soul at such a young age. Matilda made me want to be a writer, as a child I wanted to connect to other children who felt just as alone as I was, to spread hope that one day it’s going to be ok.
I have created characters in my head as long as I remember, wondering what’s going on inside peoples heads, and making up stories of what their lives could be like. I have been a writer my entire life, that little girl who can’t speak in front of others but leads a rich life inside her own head.
I can’t believe it’s been a year since I first started this blog, it feels like no time has passed yet so many things have happened since I posted my first poem a year ago today. I have had many ups and many downs, I have fought every day against my mental health and some days I have won that particular battle.
I have taken so many steps to get better, been pushed back by events but I keep going, which is what I am going to focus on today. I get back up, after everything I’ve been through I always get back up, and today of all days I should be proud of my achievements. To some, they may look tiny but to me, every one of them feels like a giant stride.
I’m still here, still writing, and taking it one day at a time.
This year has brought a lot of low points, like some really terrible moments where I’ve felt as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest terrible, but I thought I would instead today focus on the positive moments I had throughout last year to show, mostly to myself, that 2018 wasn’t really that bad.
I had started seeing my therapist in December 2017, but it was only a small trial session we had, but in 2018 we really truly started the work on my mental health. We don’t talk diagnosis, but instead, I can just go into her little comfy room and talk about whatever has bothered me. For the first few months, the sessions were dedicated to my abuser, but I would deflect a lot.
I love Halloween but this year I’m extra glad it’s here because I made it, blogging every day for thirty-one days straight! It is completely knackering, I’ve been up obsessing over posts, putting myself down, and completely frazzled at times but I did it!
It hasn’t hurt my passion for writing at all, I thought I’d be sick of it all by now, but if anything I am more passionate about it than I was. I thought for this post I would list all the things that blogtober has taught me.
Important Announcement at end of post!
Yesterday I spent the entire day relaxing, watching Netflix, painting my nails a bright colour, gave myself a facial, and wrote. I did it all so I would feel relaxed and calm today. You see I’d been worried about going out all week, the lady I was going out to see is absolutely lovely and we always had a great friendship.
Anxiety has been rearing its ugly head of late, we are looking to move as soon as we possibly can and I absolutely hate moving. I hate it more than anything if I’m being honest, it is the most stressful thing in the world to me, but the house we are in is causing me so much more stress than anything else combined.