Boredom.

Recently I’ve been feeling rather down, it seems the change in season has truly won this round, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, and then today it hit me.

That’s Great

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Friday the 13th

As a child I was very superstitious; never utter the phrase “Bloody Mary,” in the mirror, never step on a crack, and always look out for danger on Friday the 13th because it will find you.

Looking back my imagination fed my anxieties, every time a mirror was in front of me I saw what would happen if I uttered that phrase, and going to school on Friday the 13th meant monsters hid around every corner.

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So my therapist told me to stop talking about mental health…

It was almost a month ago when she asked me to stop talking about my mental health, which has totally thrown me when I talk about my mental health on my blog a lot.

It’s sort of made me freeze up when it comes to what I am going to talk about here, yes I can talk about other aspects of my life, or what I’ve been through, but I’m still not quite sure what to do.Read More »

I’ve been writing a book!

I have been rather quiet everywhere recently because I am writing a book, the idea just came to me a few weeks ago and every day I have spent away from here has been a day I have been working on the story.

Yes, my mental health may also be suffering as it does every day, but this novel seems to have just erupted out of me. Will, I get anywhere with the project? Probably not.

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Fork in the Road

I have been staring at a fork in the road for a long time, I am scared to go down any of those roads I have built inside my head, just hoping that one day I will eventually make a decision. I am starting to get tired of all that staring, and I just want to make a decision already.

That, however, is not how recovery works, I could still be at this impasse for a very long time. Instead of forcing myself to make a decision about my life I need to know that it’s ok to stay here, as long as I focus on my recovery.Read More »

Bitter Trials

She can see the sadness of her new face,

It’s as visible as a tear on newly embroidered lace,

No matter how much she laughs and smiles,

The lady’s face still shows the bitter trials.

Her grief is standing by her side,

Some days she can take it in her stride,

To harness it within her own art,

Before it returns to rip her apart.

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Matilda

She inspired me at a time when I needed her, she felt just as alone as I did growing up, I couldn’t believe a man wrote a book that spoke to my soul at such a young age. Matilda made me want to be a writer, as a child I wanted to connect to other children who felt just as alone as I was, to spread hope that one day it’s going to be ok.

I have created characters in my head as long as I remember, wondering what’s going on inside peoples heads, and making up stories of what their lives could be like. I have been a writer my entire life, that little girl who can’t speak in front of others but leads a rich life inside her own head.

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