2018

This year has brought a lot of low points, like some really terrible moments where I’ve felt as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest terrible, but I thought I would instead today focus on the positive moments I had throughout last year to show, mostly to myself, that 2018 wasn’t really that bad.


Opening up

I had started seeing my therapist in December 2017, but it was only a small trial session we had, but in 2018 we really truly started the work on my mental health. We don’t talk diagnosis, but instead, I can just go into her little comfy room and talk about whatever has bothered me. For the first few months, the sessions were dedicated to my abuser, but I would deflect a lot.

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I always feel like a failure

It’s hard to put this in words because its always in my head but I feel like a failure, I have a great idea and entire structure for a novel but I can’t seem to start it, I have the option of having friends but I can’t seem to reach out, I have the option to get married but I’m terrified of being surrounded by people, and I write on this blog but I think everything I write is garbage.

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Why I forgave my Mother

This is very hard for me, my mother basically raised me and looked after my blind Father at the same time. He was let go from work about a year after I was born, money was always tight during my entire childhood, and I was very much aware of it. For Christmas, I wouldn’t ask for much after I found out in Primary four that Santa was my parents, and I never expected anything on my birthday.

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Once a Week

I usually only get out about once a week, I’m so petrified of being around people, I could say it’s because of my abusers, but it’s not. When I go out I always have a panic attack, the loud noises, or busy crowds are a no go, and I only ever go out on a weekday as it is very quiet with most people working.

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