Covid-19

I don’t know why I haven’t shared my experience with COVID-19 yet, I think it’s because it was all so real for me when this started.

My partner travels all around the country for work, so it was always going to be brought into this house, and I was always going to catch it.

It started and ended with mild symptoms in my other half, it didn’t seem that nasty to me, I thought if this is what I’m in for it can’t be that bad?

Then while everyone was scrambling around trying to get supplies, or going for the last weekend with nature before lockdown, I was in bed struggling to breathe.

Waking up at night struggling to breathe comes with my PTSD, my stress levels were through the roof, and I was constantly reading over the same information.

At four o’clock in the morning that Saturday I decided that I had to know for sure, the fever was telling me, yes, but the breathing had to be PTSD.

On Saturday I decided to self-care as much as I could, stay away from all COVID-19 information, and make the soul focus for me to be as calm as possible.

I did everything I could in my capacity to calm myself down, to the point where I’d only experienced such a calm after my one trip to a spa, it must be my mental health messing with me?

It wasn’t, it wasn’t at all if I knew then what I know now I would have gone to the hospital. I woke up struggling for air, it felt like a giant slug was inside my airway.

I say slug because it felt like water was surrounding the object in my chest, as I struggled on I vowed if I wake up one more time and I can’t breathe it’s time for the hospital.

I said this to myself again and again, but with PTSD affecting me in the way that it does I kept thinking of excuses to stay away, protect the NHS, don’t waste there time.

That decision still haunts me today, almost a month to the day, as my rib cage has not recovered from the pounding I took from the virus.

I can still feel the pain down my left-hand side every time I breathe, anytime I move too much I get breathless, and all because I was too scared to go to the doctors.

Thinking I was being paranoid about what was going on, thinking it was all in my mind and I would be a time waster if it was.

COVID-19 is serious, too serious to let my mind win over my own body, and maybe my tale of how much this is affecting me every day since can help.

Don’t let the fact that you take panic attacks or wake up during the night breathless stop you from contacting your doctor if you’re concerned.

I did, and I am worse off for it.

Stay safe,

Emma.

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