I flap.

It will come as no surprise to most of you to learn that I am a flapper, the rest of you probably haven’t heard the term. A flapper is not some weird sea creature but someone who panics and gets agitated with themselves.

I flap therefore I am, at times I think I was born to flap, as somehow it’s encoded into my DNA. I’m always trying to find the answers to everything but could it be I was just made this way?

Please don’t let that be, please let confidence be something you can gain over time, otherwise, I’m screwed. People will tell me to, “fake it until I make it,” that’s great advice for someone who can fake a positive mental attitude.

Anything I write keeps me up thinking, “Is it any good? Everyone will hate it.” I spiral from all of this, going deeper into my bunker worthy shell, hiding from what I love to do.

But by flapping I am hurting myself as I end up failing because of it. I get so into my own head that I cannot focus on the present, all I can concentrate on is beating myself up over nothing, and then I become stuck.

I wish I could be more consistent in my work, I wish I could be brave enough to share things from my book, and I wish I could tell you all how much I love reading your work.

I will always flap, but I will always be back.


P.S. Happy Halloween šŸŽƒšŸ‘»šŸ­

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5 thoughts on “I flap.

  1. Although I wouldn’t call myself a flapper, though i know plenty who are especially at work I do understand your comment about worrying what people will think about your post. I often have things I want to write about, but there is always something stopping me from going for it. A mental blockage. I think is it self doubt, fear that people will hate what you write, etc. I am trying to force myself to write it and not over think it too much. Ian

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, it’s nice to know it’s not just me that has a problem with self doubt.
      I have never been the most confident person, and I’m always pretty hard on myself.
      This then feeds into my self doubt and I begin to spiral. It’s so hard to put yourself out there, but I think all writers feel this way and that gives me hope.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Everyone feels the same, you are not alone in these feelings. I get them all the time even though I have been blogging for 6 years now. It is great when my friends tell me how much they enjoyed something i wrote, but that doesnt stop the self doubt. I know it’s easier said than done but try to relax and enjoy what you do. Ian

        Liked by 1 person

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