Right now I am in a really bad place, it seems like no matter what I do I am hearing that anxiety voice stronger than ever, I started writing as a way to help me heal and the voice is louder here than anywhere else. It’s given me a sort of writer’s block like no other, I have about four posts sitting in my draft folder right now waiting to be finished.
I don’t have the patience or the energy right now to do any of them, this voice is here at the moment telling me no matter how much I try that it will always win the fight, even as I decorate my house it keeps telling me that no matter what I do this house will always be the one I had two miscarriages in.
I understand that my anxiety is obviously threatened by my progress, threatened that I have a support group and others who understand, threatened by every action I take on the road to recovery because I might realise that I don’t need to listen to it anymore. The more I try to move on the louder this voice gets.
But I am at a stage where I just can’t shut it out anymore, everything I do to ease it just seems to make it worse, even now my hands begin to sweat and I begin to have that flutter across my chest. I don’t think I have the energy to deal with this right now.