Christmas Past


The holidays come with a huge weight of grief for me, but it wasn’t always this way, I used to love this time of year so much. From the first of December, I would be singing carols to myself, smiling at all the Christmas cheer, and taking part in every holiday-related activity I could think of.

The past three years have been different, too different for my liking, I complain about the season now more than ever. Before it was never about the presents but about the company of loved ones, now it is something I am trying to ignore as much as possible. The stress of it sends my mental health into a tailspin and before I know it I can’t leave the house

Instead of focusing on the past three years I want to focus on those great memories of past years, add a little bit of cheer, and show those struggling that it is completely ok.

My first full Christmas with the OH

This wasn’t our very first Christmas together but instead, it was our first full Christmas day together, we usually went our separate ways for dinner and I got shouted at by my Brother for leaving my parents alone. I had spent years living with my better half, but I always felt guilty about leaving my parents alone.

But that year I had just had it with everything, we had both stopped feeling guilty, and I was determined to spend the full day with him. We went to his mothers for dinner together, for years I had felt guilty because my Brother had never once came to my parent’s house, but I gained my courage to say no and it started an argument.

My parents instantly were fine with it, but my brother wasn’t that fine and he made a rather nasty comment about it right in front of me. I decided to stick up for myself stating I had five years with my better half and this was the first full Christmas we could fully spend together. This quickly got him red-faced and he shut up after that.

I stood up for myself, let go of the guilt, and actually had a pretty fantastic day. During those solo parent dinners, I had always felt empty, but this time I finally had time for myself and we drank in all the fun. It was as if my day wasn’t complete without spending the entirety with the one I truly loved, and it never went back to solo dinners again.

Moral of the Story: Stick to you’re guns and don’t be afraid to say no this holiday season. Guilt can weigh us down, we may feel obligated to do what everyone else wants, but we know what’s best for ourselves. I’m not saying be like my Brother, but sometimes you might have to let situations go to feel better.

Continues in Part Two

P.S. This is my 100th post on here, I honestly can’t believe it, and would like to thank everyone for keeping me going through hard times.

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