I am a bit out of sorts at the moment, stress has caused me to disappear into myself recently and I can’t seem to claw my way out of it. Everything is becoming a chore, even my beloved writing, and it feels like I am slowly falling off of the edge of a cliff. I don’t think I could effectively explain just how tired I have been lately, my world has slowed down, and everything requires maximum effort.
All I want to do is lie down, that is my life’s mission of late because if I can lie down my entire body doesn’t hurt. I could only explain it with Game of Thrones and its stone men; it honestly feels like my body is turning into stone and everything I do is extremely painful. My body is seizing up for an attack, I am not under any threat, but my body is waiting on the blow.
It’s like I’m on a cocktail of anxiety, PTSD, and depression, the anxiety is causing my brain to be on the lookout for a threat, the PTSD is causing my body to brace for an attack, and the depression is causing my extreme disinterest and tiredness. The Trifecta of Mental Health has struck me down, I couldn’t feel more alone or useless right now, and nothing seems to help at the moment.
The typing is hurting me immensely but I force myself to write every word, describe every feeling, and push through it. It’s important for me to write when I am like this, not shy away from my brain and body as they try to make me feel even more isolated. Even now I do not see the point in this post, my brain has convinced me that it won’t help anyone.
I really can’t see what the point is, could I ever help anyone?