Let me sleep!

Anxiety has been rearing its ugly head of late, we are looking to move as soon as we possibly can and I absolutely hate moving. I hate it more than anything if I’m being honest, it is the most stressful thing in the world to me, but the house we are in is causing me so much more stress than anything else combined.

Because I know we need to move otherwise we will face a harsh winter in a house with only one working heater downstairs, it was absolute hell last year, I was spending £60 a week on electricity to basically heat two rooms, and have been down every possible avenue to get this sorted.

My landlords are not the best people, the property management company wasn’t either, and I don’t know how I ended up in this house which is literally falling apart. My brain has tried to go over every possible reason as to why I ended up here, I think it is so important for myself to be in a house that isn’t falling apart.

It has made my mental health worse off for being in this situation and I honestly cannot be bothered trying to fight it anymore. I’ve spent four years of my life trying to sort it all out, I am just too tired to continue and I can’t get any help. I feel lost, confused, and scared, more importantly, I feel so at fault for getting put in this situation.

It was my idea to take this house, it has big windows, lots of light, a front and back garden, and as far as I knew it had proper heating. If it did have a gas central heating system it would be perfect but my landlord does not want to fix anything. I thought that’s what I paid rent for but apparently, he is finding excuses and loopholes to not do his proper duty.

If I could go out and buy a house I would, my partner has a great job with lots of added benefits but we spend so much money trying to heat a house that can’t be heated. They send companies around to check to price things but nothing ever comes of it, the day before my second miscarriage I got locked in the living room, and the door still hasn’t been sorted almost two years later.

I hate complaining because I can’t do it but I am forced to again and again in this house, and the shame that I actually don’t get anywhere keeps me up at night. It seems easy for everyone to take a stand for themselves but if it’s just me I freeze up and don’t ask for the right help, or I end up overly complaining about everything.

I just want away from here, I have had enough of it completely but I am so scared that I’ll end up with a similar type of landlord, the type that just wants to take advantage of a lady with a disability. I have seen minds housing campaign and I just say well yes that is me, if I didn’t have the back payment for p.i.p. coming in I would still be stuck here indefinitely.

I can give thanks for the tribunal decision even more now if it means I can finally get out of this house and get a proper sleep!

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