Listing all of my symptoms are starting to make me scared,
As I wait for my tribunal I am feeling unprepared,
Three illnesses are listed,
The assessor makes them twisted.
What did I do wrong?
I don’t feel very strong,
My mouth goes dry,
As the assessor keeps asking me why.
I feel like a criminal with no conviction,
No one can see my affliction,
My hands begin to sweat,
I feel like the filling in a baguette.
You continue to question me,
When all I want to do is flee,
From this horrible situation,
As I feel the palpitation.
I see my abuser in the room,
As he brings the gloom,
You don’t even know I’m out of it,
Now I know you are a hypocrite.
As I have my PIP Tribunal today I thought it was important that I speak about the assessment I had way back in January, I was having a constant panic attack, hurting my hands on the chair, and I had a bad flashback. The problem was that I was not seen by an assessor with a background in Mental Health.
She never noticed any of this, saying I looked a little anxious on my appeal papers, and not understanding what I was actually going through. I was talking so fast, I was out of it, and had to be prompted by my partner to answer questions. He constantly had his hand on my shoulder as this calms me down and can sometimes bring me out of a flashback.
If I had someone who knew what mental illness truly looked like they would know exactly what I was going through, and not snap responses at me or try to make me answer hypothetical questions when I constantly replied that those scenarios never happened. PIP is a complete mess, but as much as I don’t want to go today I feel as if I have to.
If I can complain about the treatment I was given in my assessment it may help someone in the future, but right now all I feel is petrified.