The past few posts have been about some pretty serious subject matter so for today I thought I’d make a list of the things in my life I am thankful for, it’s easy to fall in with all the negative thinking when that’s all that’s in my head, but I am grateful for so many things in my life. I feel blessed to have so many great things in my life, even if I don’t have everything I want, and even when I’m suffering. This doesn’t include the obvious answers because I’ve spoken about how much I love my better half and my cat before, just in case you were curious why they aren’t on here.
This is in no particular order:
It’s my favourite hot beverage, especially the seasonal mint and dark chocolate from Costa, there is something about the stillness inside my mind when I’m drinking it, and I’m sure it takes me back to a better time. Nothing much seems to quiet my mind, so I am grateful for hot chocolate, and I enjoy it with lots of cream and lots of marshmallows.
There is something so calming about Lego, I have no idea why it stresses me out so much but the moment it clicks into place is worth it. Lego kits come with instructions which are even better, not that I don’t like just creating my own concoctions but I really do love instructions. It gives my busy mind something to focus on, also allowing me to drift into my own thoughts when I need too.
When I had my previous breakdown around eight years ago I couldn’t work, I just sat in the house all day, daytime TV is not the best, and I would end up watching some old repeats of shows. Now that I have Netflix and all the other streaming services I can now watch whatever I want, if I need to cry I watch something sad if I want to feel happy I will watch a comedy, and its great for self-care.
My scrabble as you can see is Harry Potter related, but I just love playing scrabble, probably because I’m super competitive enough to have memorized the entire dictionary, as a child when I loved something I used to put my heart and soul into it, and scrabble reminds me of this. It reminds me of a time before I let my anxiety take over my life, and when I had absolute confidence in myself and my abilities.
I love books, always have, the dreams I had about Belle’s library still appear today. But I came from a poor family, and as an adult, I realised that I could never afford a library that size. My Kindle is now my library, I don’t feel guilty shopping for books anymore because I have space for them. Although nothing beats an old second-hand bookshop, my favourite is the one Callander as it has books everywhere and a cat usually serves you.
I love painting, so much, and I always regret that I never picked it for a standard grade. My art teacher was completely hard on me, so hard in fact that I thought I was rubbish at art, and choose drama instead. It wasn’t until our parents night after I’d made my decision that I found out she was hard on me because she saw my potential. But painting has drifted in and out of my life and I’m glad I’m still trying to be better at it.
Writing gives me a voice like no other, I can express myself in writing so much better than verbally, and I am so grateful I can. I get very nervous as I write but I’m nervous about everything, right now my palms are sweaty, and I feel sick. I constantly put myself down and think I’m going to offend everyone, but I keep going because I absolutely love it.
Mental Health Community
Last but certainly not least I am so incredibly grateful to the mental health community, I have been posting on this blog for seven months and I’ve been welcomed with open arms. Every single person who has ever interacted with me on this blog, Twitter or Instagram are complete stars, and some of the kindest people I’ve met online. You all inspire me every day to tell my truth, even when I struggle, you let me know that I can share anything. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.