I let you drag me down,
I hope that I will drown,
I cannot take you with me,
No one knows where I’ll be.
The looks I get from other people,
As they gather around the steeple,
Is enough to put me on edge,
I hide inside the garden shed.
They know I have a secret to hide,
They take it and cast me aside,
I am left alone in my grief,
As I wash against the reef.
Friends just want to know what is wrong,
Until I sing the same old song,
Then they fly back to there nest,
As I’ve made them become depressed.
It takes a saint to stick around,
To watch me repeatedly drown,
For that they are commended,
The friends that are truly splendid.
After the week I had last week it really got me thinking about my second miscarriage, when it happened a few people reached out to me, and after they found out the details they disappeared. I’m not annoyed about this, I think it should be spoken about as much as possible, but I’ve never done this to anyone else.
I’ve said sorry to people who have gone through hard times, but I’ve never needed them to reply to me or tell me the full story, and I’ve never wanted too. This time has been very different, I had to wait to tell my close family due to a holiday, so the only thing I could do was write about it.
I write anonymously so its much easier to talk about things, but instead of being reached out to by old friends I was reached out too on social media. People who had been through multiple miscarriages like me, people who understood mental illness, or other people who’d been through worse situations.
This made me feel heard, no one asked me inappropriate questions, I never felt like anyone was just trying to get information out of me, and its certainly made it easier for me than it was before. I couldn’t thank everyone enough for your comments and what they did for me. I’m no where near fine right now, but I feel heard.