Grief

I’m smack bang in the middle of Depression, I’ve felt all five stages since Monday, sometimes they come together in a giant wave, and I start to drown, and other times I feel them individually.

Right now all I feel is depression, I feel slimy but unmotivated to do anything about it, I just sit on the couch sinking right into the cushions, hoping the couch will swallow me whole.

I’m exhausted but I’m sleeping, everything seems to just take a level of motivation that I don’t have, and I even question the point of eating or drinking. I see my previous miscarriages, I feel the grief I felt then like it was yesterday and I regress.

I feel hollow like my heart has been swallowed, and everything around me just has a hint of grey. It’s nothing, no sadness, no feeling, just an empty vase. I wish I could cry so this feeling will leave me, then I wouldn’t feel bad I haven’t cried yet today.

But the depression stays, I stay in a constant feeling of emptiness, I just want to stay inside and vegetate. My phone stays on silent and I just ride this wave out, I keep having to remind myself that I’ve done it before, but right now I don’t see the light.

I don’t want to do anything, my leg isn’t comfortable but I can’t move it, and I just feel empty. I’m hoping that writing about it will help me, but more importantly, I think it can be helpful for couples going through this.

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5 thoughts on “Grief

  1. Sometimes crying only worsens the situation. .. not because it’s your weakness…it’s because of your poor surroundings … people see crying as a weakness or creating unnecessary DRAMA and criticize you.. so next time you are unable to cry…and you further become emotionally weak

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Crying is a strength… it is outburst of unexpressed emotions… unexpressed emotions do come out even if you try to hide them.. since its difficult to cry it comes out in some other worse form… I pray you recover fully and become a strong smiling, bold person soon…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, at that point in time my grief was so fresh, it was the first big bout of depression I was dealing with since the 3rd miscarriage happened and I just felt empty. But I needed to feel that depression as it’s part of the process so now I look back and I know it was healthy to feel that way as I was grieving and grieving in itself is healthy.

      Liked by 1 person

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