There are too many people, too many cars,
too much of you going off to seminars.
There are too many sirens, too many families,
so much in fact that I’m losing my sanity.
There are too many chores, too many visitors,
and not very much of you are listeners.
There are too many sounds, too much pain,
it’s all too much for me not to feel insane.
There are too many smiles, too much of us hide,
it all makes me feel mortified.
There is too much of everything, it makes me want to cry,
to retreat to safety and ask myself why.
There are too many voices inside my head, my fight or flight kicks in,
and every time the many win.
I wrote this when I was out on Saturday, I only managed about two miles in the car due to roadworks, loud noises really hinder my condition and as good as fresh air is, it does tend to flare me up. I’m proud to say that after coming back home, controlled breathing, food, plenty of water, and changing into comfortable jeans; I managed to go back outside again.
It was extremely busy, hot, uncomfortable, and very noisy. It wasn’t plain sailing, I would have to hydrate constantly, but I did it. Even in the toughest moments I can still surprise myself. I didn’t manage to get everything I wanted, my feet hurt, and the high pitch squeals of children still made me jump. But I did it!