“I fell into the Pit”

In the words of the legendary Mouse Rat, “I fell into the pit, you fell into the pit, we all fell into the pit.” This is today’s depression speaking, because I may as well have physically fallen into a dark and depressive pit.

I’m not quite sure why I’m here, I’ve been having horrible anxiety for the longest time, and as frustrating and crippling as it is; I’ve always been able to know what is coming and how to handle/avoid it.

No screens before bed, stay away from social media as much as I can, drink plenty of water, paint, create, write, read and most importantly know that in the most crippling moments that the feeling/panic/anger/fear will pass.

The minute I fell depressed I begin to feel like a robot, I feel none of the hundreds of emotions that plagued me before, and I need nothing. I just want to sit or lie down, not be bothered by anyone or anything, and stare into the emptiness of my soul.

Every time I close my eyes it feels like I’m being dragged down with it, I cannot stress enough how much this feeling scares me, and it makes me feel glad when my anxiety comes rushing back to engulf me.

I should never feel that way when it comes to Anxiety, it gives the condition way too much power, but I confess that I would rather feel everything than feel the absolute nothingness that depression comes with.

I hope this bought of depression passes soon, to those who cope with it on a daily basis please know I do commend you, you are all much stronger than I am to have this horrible illness thrust upon you, and I am in complete awe of you.

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