Today I cannot look outside, the flashbacks seem to come all the time, the past abuse that haunts my core, from my mother, my friend, and my lover.

They were never good to me, rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and threatening behaviours.

Now all I can do is see what’s in the past, no future ever guides me, as it will not let me go.

It’s been a while since I’ve had a friend, they tend to leave me when they’ve had there fun, they never understand my mental health, and then I’m left back on the shelf.

If only I could explain it all, the Anxiety, the PTSD, and the depression. How they aren’t me but they tend to take the wheel, and how I can change from one second to the next.

As a girl, I need a friend so dear, but now I block you out because of fear.

I don’t know how to have people in my life, with waring conditions in my mind.

I miss my old friends so much, but they left me when I started having an attack, and now they stare at me in the street as I try to stop a flashback.