March

Image courtesy of The Scotsman

Yesterday I went into self-isolation due to the thing everyone seems to be talking about right now.

My partner travels all around Scotland for his job and in his many travels around the country he picked up a fever.

Then came the cough and shortness of breath, so like any good citizen he took the advice to stay off work and self-quarantine.

His is almost over ending tomorrow and as of yesterday, I became self-isolated too and then I started having symptoms.

Now to me, self-isolation is my life, but I can still go outside for a walk when I begin to feel cabin fever.

But something about this is making me feel that same cabin fever only one day in.

Is it because I know I can’t go outside, therefore, it’s making me need fresh air?

I don’t think that is what it is, and I’m feeling selfish for even feeling this way.

Uncertainty, the uncertainty of will this isolation lead to into a lockdown.

Will I even be able to go out for that walk when I can?

I have no idea, and it’s the uncertainty that’s driving me to the door.

Don’t worry I would never go out, I could never risk infecting anyone at high risk.

I understand I have no right to moan about it either.

Who knows how long the people at high risk will have to stay indoors.

I have someone who will soon be able to do those things I can’t do for me and others around me.

I feel like I just want to help the vulnerable people in my family.

I should be going to the shops for my friend who has been told by her doctor to limit contact.

I should be helping, that is why I feel this way!

The carer inside me just wants to be of use to those that need it.

Feeling useless trapped inside when I could be helping is a feeling I’m just going to have to get used too

Stay safe. Stay vigilant. But remember to take time away from screens, I will do this too, and let’s look after one another.

Em.

*Update* I put the wrong information NHS picture in before, it was old advice so instead I thought it’d change it to something more useful. Apologies.

Image Courtesy of The NHS
Image courtesy of the BBC

BFF.

It’s a rather lonely existence,

To be kept at a distance,

Watching as people go on,

Feeling like your wrong.

Effortless as they lead,

Tales of wonder and mead,

A perfect life without you,

The sad one who feels blue.

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I flap.

It will come as no surprise to most of you to learn that I am a flapper, the rest of you probably haven’t heard the term. A flapper is not some weird sea creature but someone who panics and gets agitated with themselves.

I flap therefore I am, at times I think I was born to flap, as somehow it’s encoded into my DNA. I’m always trying to find the answers to everything but could it be I was just made this way?

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New Tomorrow?

It feels as though I let you all down,

The grey cloud above the perfect town,

A caterpillar who won’t become a butterfly,

Silent nothings that haunt your battle cry.

Patches of frost on newly bloomed rose,

A tiny hole in your beautiful new clothes,

The ugly duck in a lake filled with swans,

Decaying rust that muddies antique bronze.

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