Time Away

Just wanted to add here that I’m taking time away due to an unexpected death in the family, I have to spend my time elsewhere at the moment but I will be back once everything has settled down.

I still haven’t really come to terms with it and have been in denial since I got the news. I am really not in a place right now where I can write about it, and the family still don’t have any idea what the full story is.

I can’t really say much else as I am still pretty shaken by it, but I thought I’d explain my absence.

Thanks for reading,

Em.

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The Cocoon

Wrapped inside a great cocoon,

With no way to tell the sun from the moon,

Cannot feel the wind on my face,

Or the rain soaking through me as I run with haste.

Stagnant inside with nothing to do,

Cannot escape what I’m going through,

I have to stay still in this place,

The process is not a race.

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The Lady Prince is One!

I can’t believe it’s been a year since I first started this blog, it feels like no time has passed yet so many things have happened since I posted my first poem a year ago today. I have had many ups and many downs, I have fought every day against my mental health and some days I have won that particular battle.

I have taken so many steps to get better, been pushed back by events but I keep going, which is what I am going to focus on today. I get back up, after everything I’ve been through I always get back up, and today of all days I should be proud of my achievements. To some, they may look tiny but to me, every one of them feels like a giant stride.

I’m still here, still writing, and taking it one day at a time.

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The Bad Place

Right now I am in a really bad place, it seems like no matter what I do I am hearing that anxiety voice stronger than ever, I started writing as a way to help me heal and the voice is louder here than anywhere else. It’s given me a sort of writer’s block like no other, I have about four posts sitting in my draft folder right now waiting to be finished.

I don’t have the patience or the energy right now to do any of them, this voice is here at the moment telling me no matter how much I try that it will always win the fight, even as I decorate my house it keeps telling me that no matter what I do this house will always be the one I had two miscarriages in.Read More »

Waiting

I feel like I’ve just been waiting for everything, I wait to get pregnant, I wait to get better, and I just wait for my life to begin. Why do I wait? I think it’s because I’m scared to take the leap, I have many times after breakdowns, but it always ends up the same way. I jump in and end up worse off but how am I going to get better unless I take the steps?

It’s daunting that I am so scared to start living again, so scared to move forward, what if I have a breakdown again? But what if I don’t? Am I scared to go there because I could have a breakdown or am I scared of progress? I think the real answer is I am scared of everything when my life doesn’t go how I picture I seem to freeze.

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Steep Learning Curve

It has been complete chaos in my house this past week, I’ve had to deal with builders, electricians, landlords, neighbours, and more on a day to day basis. I’ve had to converse with people I don’t know which is one of my biggest triggers with my mental health, I’ve been on a very steep learning curve when it comes to interacting with them, and I’m not quite sure how I’m handling it.

It’s all for the greater good, I will finally have my bathroom fixed after four years of complaining, I will finally have working heating installed, and I can finally stop spending around £60 a week on electricity in winter. Hopefully, I won’t have to move to another house after looking for almost a year, and I can stop worrying about attending a property tribunal.Read More »